Why rejection doesn’t matter as much as you think

Intro

My thoughts on rejection after 1000+ daygame cold approaches, from being terrified to the point of paralysis… to liberation and not giving a f*ck.

If you’ve never done any cold approach before, check out my strategies on overcoming approach anxiety

It’s not personal

A huge mistake I see from a lot of guys and myself included when they start with cold approach, is that they take every rejection very personally.

I’ve seen old wings drop out along the way because they can’t handle the amount of rejection involved to get to a good level where they’ve got it handled.

This is mainly due to their egos being attached to the outcome, that quite frankly is unrealistic. They want everyone to like them and when they get slapped in the face by rejection it can shatter their delusional ‘nice guy’ image.

Not everyone in this world’s going to like you and that’s fine. It’s much better to present your best authentic self and find the people that like you for you, than to put on a mask and people-please.

So what does ‘rejection’ actually look like?

Cold approach

99% of rejection you’ll encounter doing cold approach are one of the following three;

1. ‘I have a boyfriend’

I saw a statistic which showed that 55% of women aged 18-29 in the UK are in some type of committed relationship.

If we take this statistic at face value, assume the women we speak to are all faithful, and you approached 100 women – on average 55/100 would reject you everytime, regardless of how good looking you are or how good your ‘game’ is.

It’s not that they have a personal vendetta against you or want to purposely hurt your feelings… they’re simply NOT AVAILABLE.

Accept it, move on and find the ones that are.

Whether she does or does not have a boyfriend, girls will sometimes say this to be polite and get rid of you when they’re not interested.

Look at it this way…

It’s much better a girl said ‘Sorry I have a boyfriend’ than say ‘Actually I don’t like your face, you’re kinda short and your style is retarded’.

You’d take that second one a little more personally… but luckily, most women are really nice about it and that never happens.

2. ‘I’m in a rush’

This one’s a little harder to interpret, but what I would say is…

Look at a girls actions not her words.

If she says ‘I’m in a rush’ but is stood in front of you smiling waiting for you to speak then it’s a false objection and you should carry on regardless.

On the other hand if she says she’s in a rush and is slowly moving away from you, and/or not investing in the conversation then it’s probably legit… or she just doesn’t want to talk to you for whatever arbitrary reason.

Accept it, move on and find ones that do want to speak to you.

3. They immediately leave the interaction (blowout)

This type of rejection is often this is due to the girls own fight or flight mechanism telling her to get out of there, similar to our own approach anxiety. The chances of this happening can be greatly reduced with proper calibration and fine-tuning your technique.

You actually need to take some responsibility for this one.

Maybe you’re dressed like a bum….

Maybe you’re not smiling and giving off scary serial killer vibes…

Maybe your stopping them incorrectly – like coming in weak and apologetically from the sides, like one of those annoying charity ‘sign-up’ people do on high streets.

If you can’t identify what the problem is, get a friend to record you approaching so you can look at yourself from a 3rd person perspective, or hire a coach to diagnose what you’re doing wrong.

Texting

The most common ‘rejection’ you’ll get over text are;

1. The girl doesn’t respond to your opening text

This is probably the most common and will happen with about 20-40% of the numbers you’ll get from cold approach.

There can be many reason for this, but ultimately it’s outside your control whether the girl wants to reply or not so it’s not worth putting too much mental energy into.

You can reduce the probability of this happening as your ‘game’ improves and you get better at filtering out girls that are time wasters or simply not interested to begin with, instead of collecting a flakey number that will go nowhere.

I’ll typically send my opening text the same day I meet her, if no reply I wait 2 days and send another one, then finally one last text a week later before deleting the number.

2. She stops replying

Again quite common, the key takeaway is always to look at a girls actions not her words. If she’s at all interested then she will make an effort to text you.

You can be persistant and try a few times as long as you leave a few days inbetween double-texting to avoid coming across as needy.

If you ask a question or try to make plans and a girl doesn’t get back to you, wait a few days then text something like “Thinking very hard I see”.

This is a funny, non-butthurt way of calling out a girls behaviour and has a decent chance of getting a reponse.

Playingwithfire goes into more detail on how to use this technique effectively here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlZooazanio

If she doesn’t respond to this I like to follow it up with the infamous skeleton meme as my final playing card before deleting the number.

It can be effective at getting a reply and getting to the root cause of why a girl isn’t complying. But at the end of the day if she isn’t replying within a reasonable amount of time – there’s a very good chance she’s simply not interested and you should cut your losses, stop giving her free unearned attention and move on.

3. She doesn’t agree to meet up in person

Again, quite common. Most girls love the free attention and dopamine hits of having their phones ping with guys trying to make plans with them, but have no intention of actually making anything happen.

They are easy to identify because they typically won’t invest much in the conversation in person, give one word replies and slow reponses over text, but won’t disappear like the previous catagory until you try to make plans.

When you ask them out, they’ll usually disappear like a fart in the wind or give some excuse about being busy, sick or tired.

It’s fine the first or second time as they could genuinely be sick or busy, especially if a girl has work and/or uni, but if you’ve asked 3+ times over the course of a couple of weeks and she continues to make excuses without offering to reschedule or pick another day – chances are she’s a time waster that just enjoys free attention over text.

Girls are very rarely direct and you’ll need to read between the lines, if she’s at all interested she will make an effort to see you.

Aim to be rejected as quickly as possible

I’m a big advocate for being honest and direct, this means letting the girl know why you’re speaking to her upfront.

Whether she wants to engage in the interaction on those terms or not is up to her, but at least she knows that the premise is man-to-woman and not some friendly chit-chat.

A trap for beginners to avoid rejection is to be indirect and dance around the fact that they are hitting on them. In my opinion this is waste of time and you are just delaying the inevitable, it can also come across as creepy, weird and unmasculine.

The girl kind of knows why you’re there, but thinks you’re too much of a pussy to be direct and honest with her. It’s doomed to fail from the start.

Trust me when I say it’s much better to be rejected in the first 15 seconds by being honest and direct, than it is to have a 10 minute ‘nice guy’ conversation with a girl just to be rejected anyway when you try and meekly show your hand.

The more extreme examples would be guys that sit in the friendzone waiting to make a move for months or years on end because they are so terrified of being rejected, when in the same time span they could’ve approached 100’s or 1000’s of new women and had results.

The thought of rejection is much worse than rejection itself

This is quite hard to accept if you are a beginner but it’s very common to build rejection up into this reality-splitting monster that will rip your world apart if you were to confront it.

In reality, rejection is a fraction of what we build it up to be in our heads.

After the first rejections you’ll usually feel a huge weight being lifted off your shoulders… all that worry and anxiety was for NOTHING and you’re free.

A girl that we don’t know…. that doesn’t owe us anything… and that we’ll probably never see ever again, saying no literally doesn’t mean anything.

You lose nothing, think of it this way…

Ego aside, cold approach is like a slot machine where you have unlimited spins but still have the chance to win big.

You can roll the metaphorical dice as many times as you like and it will cost you nothing.

Women, just like men have preferences, you could simply just not be her type.

I’m not really into oriental women or women with excessive tattoos/piercings. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with them, they’re just not my type.

It’s actually a good thing though, it would be rough if we were all fighting over the same people.

As they say… variety is the spice of life.

You’ll find women that are into your type, whether you’re white, black, asian or indian – As a man it’s your job to filter through, find those women and forget about the rest.

Now go out and get some approaches done, face rejection head on and remember, there’s nothing to fear but fear itself.